There is a man called Michael, who is a professional athlete, had won many prizes in many sports competition. Unfortunately, he met with misfortune as he was on the peak of his athletic career – an accident.
One day, he took a walk on the road. Suddenly, a uncontrollable lorry rushed toward him as fast as a rocket so that he was no time to dodge. At the moment, it hit him and his leg was trapped under the lorry. Because the driver abandoned him and ran away, he was sent to the hospital after the time passing by for a long time. What's worse, the doctor imparted the situation that he must have amputated his leg which was focal necrosis to him. However, he didn’t give up his athletic career, he did his best to keep doing rehabilitation.
As the proverb goes, “The God helps those who help themselves.” Eventually, he recovered after striving without cease to rehabilitation. By virtue of his efforts, he beat all of the rivals and won first place at the Paralympic Games.
退兩格
回覆刪除who is(was) a professional athlete
Unfortunately, he met with misfortune as he was on the peak of his athletic career – an accident.
感覺寫的很好，但我不知道對不對XD
therefore好像有點多餘
還不錯吧XD
第一句好像有點怪怪的~There is a man called Michael who is a professional athlete and he had won many prizes in many sports competition.
回覆刪除改成There is a man called Michael, who is a professional athlete, had won many prizes in many sports competition.
然後第一段結尾我覺得還不錯耶，有吸引人往下看的感覺。
然後醫生斷定結果接Because he didn’t give up his athletic career,這句有點太快了?可以改成But he didn't~
這樣的話就可以不用接therfore了~然後keep後面可以接doing rehabilitation(做復健)
大概就這些:d
There is a man called Michael, who is a professional athlete, had won many prizes in many sports competition.
回覆刪除這句時態好像怪怪的? 應該是has won吧
By virtue of his efforts, he beat all of the rivals and won first place at the Paralympic Games.
回覆刪除all of the rivals 應該不用the~ all of rivals就好了
寫的很棒喔~
There is a man called Michael, who is a professional athlete, had won many prizes in many sports competition.
回覆刪除had won~前可加連接詞或改成having
Suddenly, a uncontrollable lorry rushed toward him as fast as a rocket so that he was no time to dodge.
he was no time 改成he had no time~
第二段後面可加一些困難的過程~
回覆刪除最後加的“The God helps those who help themselves.”很不錯!!!感覺有畫龍點睛~
had won many prizes in many sports competition.第二個 many 可以改成a various of 強調他的多種性也不會跟前面的重複
回覆刪除he took a walk on the road->on可以改成along
很振奮人心的文章喔~寫的很好!!
第二段第五行可以改成 "for a while" 避免重複兩次time喔:)
回覆刪除"Suddenly, a uncontrollable lorry rushed toward him as fast as a rocket so that he was no time to dodge. At the moment, it hit him and his leg was trapped under the lorry."
這裡寫的很好
很有畫面的感覺:D
Suddenly, a uncontrollable lorry rushed toward him as fast as a rocket so that he was no time to dodge.可以改成
回覆刪除Suddenly, a uncontrollable lorry rushed toward him as fast as a rocket that he has no time to dodge.
第六行he was sent to the hospital after the time passing by for a long time.可以改成
he was sent to the hospital after the time passing by for a long period of time.
he did his best to keep doing rehabilitation.可以改成 he did his best to keep up doing rehabilitation.