Through a lot of trials, I make a crucial decision that I would get married with a man, who had seen me through my difficult times. And what lets me make the decision which is related to the latter half of my life. First of all, I would like to settle down and establish a family. Also, I feel like living the rest of my life with the man, who is responsible, considerate and thoughtful and, additionally, he could take care of me and my family with all his heart without complaint. With having so many virtues, distinctly, he is the best candidate that I have even met.
Through a lot of trials (in my life),
回覆刪除可加些修飾補充!
And可用其他副詞代替喔~
像in addition....
what lets me make the decision (which) is related to the latter half of my life.
這裡的which好像可以省略~
who is responsible, considerate and thoughtful and(,) additionally
逗號多打了=)
(Moreover,)he could take care of (my family and I )with all his heart without complaint.
這句可以分開~
不然句子太長了!!!
還有me and my family這邊要改成~
my family and I 喔=)
I have even met.
是ever喔~
可以多加些補充句讓句子和文章更豐富喔><
I have eveR! met
回覆刪除整篇看完會覺得冗字或重複的字很多很雜唷~
And what lets me make the decision which is related to the latter half of my life.(what push me to make this significant decision which is relates to th latter of my lfe?)
回覆刪除First of all, I would like to settle down and establish a family.(,settling down and establishing a family are always my dream.)
Also, I feel like ~ considerate and thoughtful(considerate and thoughtful)我覺得選其中一個就好~不管是因為他們的意思很像，還是因為形容詞太多看起來很雜~畢竟不是重點
~with all his heart (without complaint)這個我覺得也可以省略~前面的with all his heart我覺得已經很夠了XD
distinctly是可以~但如果用obviously會不會更通俗呢~
你的句子也可以改成There is mo doubting~也不錯喔=))
he is the best candidate that I have even met.
(是ever喔><~candidate放在這邊感覺有點怪~改成man會不會感覺更有力呢^0^)
結論句可以再加上"而且我將會"會更完整喔!!
Also, I feel like living the rest of my life with the man, who is responsible, considerate and thoughtful and, additionally, he could take care of me and my family with all his heart without complaint. 這句太長了
回覆刪除拆成2句 Also, I feel like living the rest of my life with the man, who is responsible, considerate and thoughtful0. Additionally, he could take care of me and my family with all his heart without complaint.
比較好
文章可以再多寫一點會更好
the latter half of my life.
回覆刪除-->直接寫the rest of my life.就好囉
who is responsible, considerate and thoughtful and, additionally, he could take care of me and my family with all his heart
-->who is responsible and considerate, and additionally, he could take care of me and my family with all his heart
I have even met.
--> I have ever met.
感覺上只寫了兩點唷~可以在多寫一點
至少三點
嬸嬸文章點有點少喔~還有時太不一致呢~
回覆刪除錢麵是would後麵便成feel了
要注意一下喔
然後其他沒什麼大問題o_<
然後好好奇那男生是誰~要發喜帖給我:>
感覺可以再多寫一點
回覆刪除然後時態要注意!!
有些不一致:>
有把原因說清楚很棒喔:>
我也很好奇那個男生是誰XDXD