2011年9月6日 星期二
Family Background
My name is Ciou Chun-Jhu. There are four members in my family, including my parents, my young brother, and me. My father, one worker in a manufactory, is a responsible man. He always has reminded me that "Honesty is the best policy" since I was a little girl. Once, I did wrong thing, and I was fear that if my father knew the thing, I would have be punished,and I lied to him. However, my father knew the thing later, and he made me copy the words that I can't lie forever in order to prevent me from lying once and for all. As far as he is concerned,"One lie makes many." Hence, he made that decision. My mother, an employee at a company, often tells me "just try your best to do everything" . Therefore, I always think about that if I have done my best or not regardless of what grade I get. Finally, my young brother, a innocent and clever child, is a 8th grader in a junior high school. Whenever he encounteres difficulties at his studies, he always asks me and I am pleasant to teaches him. Being not rich at all, every member in my family is satisfied with the life we live.
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張貼留言 (Atom)
痾 我覺得寫的不太好~
回覆刪除because你爸要誠實,但你卻述說一件你說謊的事就沒拉@@?!你應該補個一句話說從那之後這件事變成了警惕永存我心,更何況說了一個謊便要想更多謊來圓。
這樣就應該會好多了~
而媽媽和第地部分我覺得更不好= ..=!!!
媽媽說you do your best好了,而你也說你有覺得你盡力了,這樣會好像在說你其實考的不好,可是卻盡力了= 口=
你可以舉應檢出及來述說你就是抱持著盡我最好的力量去應考,而且已過了之類的,就感覺你不但盡力還做的很好,擁有一個好態度=ˇ=
而弟弟部分= =!!痾 不太符合標題欸= ...........=
要馬廄舉一個例子說出你一個特質,比如說因此而造就了我日新助人的個性之類的@ˇ@
加油ˊˊfigting!!
manufactory可用factory=)
回覆刪除encounteres 直接加s喔~(encounters)
to teaches him多了s喔~(to teach him)
可加一些有關出生地的種種...
像是生在文化古都台南...
多加一些東西讓文章更加豐富><
including my parents, my young brother, and me. -->這句可以省略
回覆刪除He always has reminded --> He has always reminded
, I did wrong thing-->, I did something wrong
做錯事那段好複雜 我覺得可以在簡化一點
前面有寫到你父親都教你們要誠實 可是後面就寫因為說謊而被懲罰 這樣好像有點矛盾.... 最後的 Whenever he encounteres difficulties at his studies, he always asks me and I am pleasant to teaches him. 這裡
回覆刪除教你弟弟功課好像跟你沒有太大的關係耶....
或者這些地方的後面 你可以補充你從這些經驗裡學到什麼 這樣會比較好^^