As usual, I went home by taking a bus and then I had a chat with my classmates customarily. All at once, one of my classmates uttered a scream with fear frighten me as sudden as lightning, and I looked toward a man beyond the window she pointed to. As a result, I opened wide my eyes and observing carefully. To begin with, I just saw a man wearing a face mask was by motorcycle, at the same time, I suddenly caught such a disgusting sight of his jean─ he showed up his “private part”, what is worse, he followed the tracks of our bus.
beyond the window 在窗戶上面?
回覆刪除I just saw a man wearing a face mask was by motorcycle然後這句怪怪的was by~那裡
改成who rode a motorcycle會不會比較好呢?
I suddenly caught such a disgusting sight of his jean這句改:I suddenly caught by a disgusting sight when I saw his jeans-->要加s 喔
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然後嬸嬸你的回應還幫我找片語耶(感動
整篇文章可以再寫多一點
回覆刪除第二段有點少
不過寫的很好阿~
要退兩格唷!
回覆刪除I went home by taking a bus
I went home by bus 就好也比較好!
前面已經有As usual,後面就不要有customarily比較不顯多於吧
as sudden as lightning用法怪怪而且我覺得他是多餘的
As a result, I opened wide my eyes and observing carefully.
可以成As a result, I observed carefully with my eyes opening wide.
第一段的最後一據好長不知道有沒有問題唷
然後他的第一句I just saw a man wearing a face mask was by motorcycle有兩個動詞唷!
這件事真的很驚悚! 描寫很精采!!
by taking a bus=by bus
回覆刪除I had a chat with=I chat with
All at once...我不太知道可不可以喔!!!
I opened wide my eyes= I opened my eyes widely
記得要空格喔!!!
酷經驗XD
and I looked toward a man beyond the window she pointed to.
回覆刪除I looked out of the window and saw the man she pointed to.
She had a phone call to one teacher用made更好~
and I looked toward a man beyond the window she pointed to.
回覆刪除可以改成
and I looked toward a man out of the window she pointed to.
I opened wide my eyes and observing carefully
可以改成
I opened my eyes wide and observed carefully
and I looked toward a man beyond the window she pointed to.可以改成~the window who she pointed at.
回覆刪除As a result, I opened wide my eyes and observing carefully->open wide my eyes,wide 是指廣闊的; 廣泛的,我覺得用在這邊不是很恰當
最後一段的結尾可以再加上自己對於這次事件的看法,會比較好,不然會感覺沒有結尾的樣子
To begin with, I just saw a man wearing a face mask was by motorcycle可以改成wearing a face mask was riding a motorcycle你應該是少了騎的這個動詞吧~
中間的描述還不錯,只是這個經驗還滿恐怖的,果然是A Terrible Experience ~
看完之後其實有的地方有點看不太懂耶
回覆刪除第一
uttered a scream with fear frighten
看不懂utter在這裡是當什麼意思
字面上是動詞是做"發出;發表" 形容詞是"全然的;完全"
然後frighten要用過去式而且前面要有which
第二
as sudden as lightning
應該沒有這個用法喔
而且我不懂你這句的意思
你是照著中文翻譯嗎@@?
第三
第四行的轉折辭as a result不太適合在這裡出現
雖然我知道你要說
你的同學驚恐的指著窗外 因此 你向外看
只是我覺得這裡如果用 Out of curiosity (出於好奇)
會更吸引讀者喔
還有這一句後面的observing用過去式就可以了
第四
I just saw a man wearing a face mask was by motorcycle
was by motocycle的用法是錯的
應該改為I saw a man with facial mask on his motocycle(ps.面具是facial mask喔)
最後是文章的內容可以再增加一些
還有盡量不要以中文的寫法翻成英文
可以在文章中看到很多中式寫法...
然後文章最高潮的部份就是描述你主題的內容
最好可以再描述更多一點來support你的標題
一起加油囉:D