2011年3月14日 星期一

A Terrible Experience

  As usual, I went home by taking a bus and then I had a chat with my classmates customarily.  All at once, one of my classmates uttered a scream with fear frighten me as sudden as lightning, and I looked toward a man beyond the window she pointed to. As a result, I opened wide my eyes and observing carefully. To begin with, I just saw a man wearing a face mask was by motorcycle, at the same time, I suddenly caught such a disgusting sight of his jean he showed up his “private part”, what is worse, he followed the tracks of our bus.

Fortunately, there was a clever mate. She had a phone call to one teacher, and then we followed what the teacher had suggested us. Eventually, we shook off the abnormal and winded up this unforgettable panic.

8 則留言:

  1. beyond the window 在窗戶上面?
    I just saw a man wearing a face mask was by motorcycle然後這句怪怪的was by~那裡
    改成who rode a motorcycle會不會比較好呢?
    I suddenly caught such a disgusting sight of his jean這句改:I suddenly caught by a disgusting sight when I saw his jeans-->要加s 喔

    ---
    然後嬸嬸你的回應還幫我找片語耶(感動

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  2. 整篇文章可以再寫多一點
    第二段有點少
    不過寫的很好阿~

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  3. 要退兩格唷!

    I went home by taking a bus
    I went home by bus 就好也比較好!

    前面已經有As usual,後面就不要有customarily比較不顯多於吧

    as sudden as lightning用法怪怪而且我覺得他是多餘的

    As a result, I opened wide my eyes and observing carefully.
    可以成As a result, I observed carefully with my eyes opening wide.

    第一段的最後一據好長不知道有沒有問題唷
    然後他的第一句I just saw a man wearing a face mask was by motorcycle有兩個動詞唷!


    這件事真的很驚悚! 描寫很精采!!

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  4. by taking a bus=by bus
    I had a chat with=I chat with
    All at once...我不太知道可不可以喔!!!
    I opened wide my eyes= I opened my eyes widely
    記得要空格喔!!!
    酷經驗XD

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  5. and I looked toward a man beyond the window she pointed to.

    I looked out of the window and saw the man she pointed to.

    She had a phone call to one teacher用made更好~

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  6. and I looked toward a man beyond the window she pointed to.
    可以改成
    and I looked toward a man out of the window she pointed to.

    I opened wide my eyes and observing carefully
    可以改成
    I opened my eyes wide and observed carefully

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  7. and I looked toward a man beyond the window she pointed to.可以改成~the window who she pointed at.

    As a result, I opened wide my eyes and observing carefully->open wide my eyes,wide 是指廣闊的; 廣泛的,我覺得用在這邊不是很恰當

    最後一段的結尾可以再加上自己對於這次事件的看法,會比較好,不然會感覺沒有結尾的樣子

    To begin with, I just saw a man wearing a face mask was by motorcycle可以改成wearing a face mask was riding a motorcycle你應該是少了騎的這個動詞吧~

    中間的描述還不錯,只是這個經驗還滿恐怖的,果然是A Terrible Experience ~

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  8. 看完之後其實有的地方有點看不太懂耶

    第一
    uttered a scream with fear frighten
    看不懂utter在這裡是當什麼意思
    字面上是動詞是做"發出;發表" 形容詞是"全然的;完全"
    然後frighten要用過去式而且前面要有which

    第二
    as sudden as lightning
    應該沒有這個用法喔
    而且我不懂你這句的意思
    你是照著中文翻譯嗎@@?

    第三
    第四行的轉折辭as a result不太適合在這裡出現
    雖然我知道你要說
    你的同學驚恐的指著窗外 因此 你向外看
    只是我覺得這裡如果用 Out of curiosity (出於好奇)
    會更吸引讀者喔
    還有這一句後面的observing用過去式就可以了

    第四
    I just saw a man wearing a face mask was by motorcycle
    was by motocycle的用法是錯的
    應該改為I saw a man with facial mask on his motocycle(ps.面具是facial mask喔)

    最後是文章的內容可以再增加一些
    還有盡量不要以中文的寫法翻成英文
    可以在文章中看到很多中式寫法...

    然後文章最高潮的部份就是描述你主題的內容
    最好可以再描述更多一點來support你的標題

    一起加油囉:D

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