2011年4月6日 星期三
Describing a Process 4 - How to Stay Healthy
Health is a matter of prime importance to all creature, humanity included; therefore, staying healthy is a big question to us. In term of good health form individual body, we all need to follow the basics. In the first place, adequate sleep and relaxation can help our body restore. Next, a balance diet is necessary. In addition, no smoking, minimal caffeine, minimal alcohol, not to take drugs and minimal medicines can assist you to avoid needless diseases. Finally, doing plenty of exercises can support you to maintain a moderate figure. I convince if you abide by above elements, and it will not be a difficulty for you to stay healthy.
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staying healthy is a big question to us question可以用challenge!!!
回覆刪除Next, a balance diet is necessary(for our daily life)
it will not be (a difficulty) for you to stay healthy. 是不是用difficult就好了啊!
可以再加一點運動對健康的幫助~會更豐富喔=)
第二行的In term of 少一個s
回覆刪除是in terms of 才對喔~
然後最後一行的 I convince if you abide by above elements, and it will not be a difficulty for you to stay healthy. 逗號後面不用再加and了
其他的還不錯喔~(像第一句的句型XD)
In term of good health form individual body
回覆刪除→In terms of
In the first place
→我覺得可以寫成In the first step
not to take drugs and minimal medicines
→drugs和medicines都是藥喔~
寫一個就好了八~而且drugs的解釋是藥廠或藥商擁有之股票、證券等
可以多寫寫什麼方法可以使身體更健康
Health is a matter of prime importance to all creature, humanity included
回覆刪除後面那句要連接詞唷~
, and humanity included或是, including humanity
I convince if you abide by above elements, and it will not be a difficulty for you to stay healthy.
改成I convince that if you abide by above elements, it will not be a difficulty for you to stay healthy.
第二行的humanity included
回覆刪除要加IS吧@@
question泛指課業上的問題
生活上的問題是problem喔:)
第三行的term少一個s
not to take drugs and minimal medicines can assist you to avoid needless diseases.
這裡有點怪怪的喔
你的前面打not to..
又用and連接這兩件事情
一開始看到文章會覺得你再說不能做的兩件事情
你可以先把能做的都打出來 後來在打 and not to~
exercises當作運動時沒有複數
加了s就變成課本上的練習題了
而且do exercise是一個片語
倒屬第三行後面
是I'm convinced that~
這個句型一定要用S + be V + convinced that + 完整句子
整篇文章的論點都很好
有進步唷:-*
不過我比較想要stay slender XDD
ps. 感冒快好XD
我覺得開頭有點冗贅而且怪怪
回覆刪除可以改為: Health is of crucial importance to all creature and humanity. There are some tips below to tell you how to stay heathy. In the first place,.... 我覺得這樣比較好吧．．!
→our bodies
restore 只有被動用法吧 →recover
→ I can promise if you abide by above things, it is not difficult for you to stay healthy.
比較順~
你的文章有很多比較高級的自詞還不錯．ˇ．
開頭的第一句很有張力，有很說明到並且呼應主題
回覆刪除staying healthy is a big question to us.=>big 我覺得怪怪的，改成像是critical這類強調重要性的文字會比較好
I convince if you abide by above elements, and it will not be a difficulty for you to stay healthy. =>這句可以改成I convience that if you abide bt the above elements, it will be an easy way for you to stay healthy.我覺得用"不是那麼困難"感覺比較饒舌，畢竟是結問句，所以採用正向來加強結尾的完整性會比較好喔!!
每個論點我覺得都還滿精確的喔!不會很冗長^^