2011年6月9日 星期四
Discussing effects - 2
Acton, has a population of 2,500, is a small town in Midwest. It is a safe, quiet, and clean place to live; therefore, the majority of the residents has lived there all their lives and know each other very well. However, as the proverb goes, "Happy days do not last long". Last month, Stanley Manufacturing decided to open a large factory in Acton in order to bring more and more new people to the community, but some people are worried about the negative effects the new factory will have on the town, and I am no exception. As far as I am concerned, it will bring pollution such as environment pollution, aerial pollution, even aquatic pollution. Those will make a great impact on the area, no matter the dwellers' health or native environment. Local culture, of course, is also no exception, there will have been changed while various new things are brought about. Furthermore, discipline, in my opinion, will be inflected as long as exterior things have existed. By those token, distinctly, I strong against the factory establishment; therefore, if the decision could been altered, the place will keep its wonderful and quiet live.
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has lived there all their lives
回覆刪除這句有點看不懂~可以換換別的字~或者省略=)
aerial pollution用air pollution才對喔~
I strong against the factory establishment
可改成I against the factory establishment strongly
if the decision could been altered
altered(改變)可改成prevent(阻止)
However, as the proverb goes, "Happy days do not last long".
我覺得運用俗語滿好的~
故事也有做舖成~
這篇還不錯=)
Those will make a great impact on the area, no matter (in) the dwellers' health or native environment. 應該這樣~
回覆刪除倒數六inflected 這個自是瞎咪,應該是influenced吧
整體感覺不錯~
"Happy days do not last long"挖挖~還用到俗諺呢~很棒喔^口^
回覆刪除As far as I am concerned, it will bring pollution such as environment pollution, aerial pollution, even aquatic pollution. =>~will bring terrible problems such as~感覺這樣才不會跟後面重複到><
Local culture, of course, is also no exception, there will have been changed while various new things are brought about.=>There我覺得可以直接大寫可以更強調of course
By those token, distinctly, I strong against the factory establishment
token是指標記, 標誌; 象徵~還是你是指talken呢??
strongly against ~
if the decision could been altered-->if the decision could have been altered
回覆刪除很棒喔這篇很順暢
不過支持句太少唷~
前面的鋪敘都快比論點多了xd
然後我覺得as the proverb goes, "Happy days do not last long". 這句很棒:d
愛你喔:'>
It is a safe, quiet, and clean place to live; therefore, the majority of the residents has lived there all their lives and know each other very well.
回覆刪除>>>has lived~ and known~:>時態要一致喔
However, as the proverb goes, "Happy days do not last long".
>>>很棒耶:>有用俗語:>
文章很通順喔
但是可以多一點supporting ideas:>
第一行Acton, has a population of 2,500
回覆刪除應該是 Acton, which has a ...
倒數第二行the factory establishment 是 the factory's establishment
這篇還不錯 而且還有用到俚語XDD
Acton, has a population of 2,500, is
回覆刪除-->Acton having a population of 2,500 is
environment pollution, aerial pollution, even aquatic pollution.
environment pollution, aerial pollution, and even aquatic pollution.
is also no exception這個可以出現一次就好~不然會有重複的感覺
I strong against -->I am stronglt against
live.-->life.
"Happy days do not last long".
哇~還會有名言好厲害~ 不錯唷~
Acton, has a population of 2,500,
回覆刪除如果Acton後面用逗號 後面應該是他的同位語來補充說明他唷
所以要把has去掉
the majority of the residents has
>> the majority of the residents have
it will bring pollution such as environment pollution, aerial pollution
>> it will lead to pollution such as environmental pollution, air pollution
有些重複的用法像是exception或是impact on可以盡量避免一直出現唷
然後我覺得前面鋪陳的不錯 引領下面的問題!!