2011年5月28日 星期六

Express an opinion-2

  In current a democratic society, many orders are tend to democracy, and dress code in the school is no exception. Although many people think that the dress code in the school is reasonable, I strongly deem that the regulation should be abolished because it is inconvenient for us. Some people think that uniform is easy to recognize. However, the counterargument is that it regulates our behaviors. In addition, no one can argue against the fact that the material of uniform is discomfort. Due to all of these reasons, one must conclude that the dress code should be abolished.

8 則留言:

  1. In current a democratic society
    >>In the current democratic society


    因為這是議論文
    然後論點有點少
    感覺就有點無力~~

    回覆刪除
  2. 反對的原因有點少耶...
    再增加幾個會更好

    回覆刪除
  3. >> In the current democratic society

    民主跟服裝規定?!!

    你用得字都好艱深@@!!

    回覆刪除
  4. many orders are tend to democracy,~
    這句的語意會讓人不清楚耶
    是不是可以換句話說一下呢 ???

    支持廢除的原因可以再多一點
    :>>

    回覆刪除
  5. In current a democratic society就像XUAN說得那樣~
    然後架構不錯可惜提出的論點太少囉~

    回覆刪除
  6. 可以加上一些不穿制服的優點~
    像是能穿自己喜歡的衣服等...
    來充實自己的論點=)
    讓大家也能支持妳的論點~

    回覆刪除
  7. In current a democratic society, many orders are tend to -->In a current democratic society, many orders tend to

    because it is inconvenient for us.
    -->because it is inconvenient for us.這裡突然出現us別人會不知道us說誰唷~因為讀者並不知道你是學生

    Some people think that uniform is easy to recognize.
    -->Some people think that uniform is easy to be recognized.

    可以在多些論點或是補充唷~不然結尾感覺很倉促

    回覆刪除
  8. 文章的內容我覺得過於匆促~
    有點沒辦法統整你想要表達什麼??
    原因的部分我覺得有少~
    不增加的話不夠客觀喔@@

    回覆刪除